Can Narcissists Really Love Their Children?

Speaker: 00:00:00

Welcome to the Relationship Alchemy

Podcast, where you come to activate

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the remembrance of who you really

are, transmute the lead of everyday

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relationships into the gold of deep

connection and true sovereign intimacy.

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I'm your host, Jodi, Master Relationship

Alchemist, here to empower you

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with higher truths, ancient wisdom,

and practical tools, blending

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both the art and science of love.

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Communication and personal growth,

whether you're single seeking profound

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soul connection, evolving into a power

couple, or looking to harmonize your

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family, this podcast is your sanctuary

to help you create a legacy of love and

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deep fulfillment, get ready to discover

the relationship alchemist in you.

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Hello.

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Welcome to the inaugural episode

of relationship alchemy with Jodi.

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That's me.

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After two seasons of The Soul Liberated

Life, I decided that this year

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needs just a little tighter focus.

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And I have a big topic for you today.

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We're going to go deep on what I

call the WPP, the witness protection

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program and narcissistic behaviors.

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So the other day I shared a reel

in my Instagram stories on can

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narcissists really love their children?

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And the answer is not so much.

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But first let me say, I don't do labels.

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I find they limit us

instead of empower us.

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They divide us more than they liberate us.

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And everyone who comes to me

saying my partner is a nurse

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knows I won't buy into it until we

release the nurse in them first.

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Now, having said that, there are

mainstream titles that help us

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identify what it is I'm referring

to, but part of my work here is in

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empowering people outside of any box and

recognizing that some of these labels

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are actually giftedness, like what's

behind it is part of your giftedness.

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And in the end, what really matters is

the energy behind the label, the energy

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behind what we put the label, what we

put behind the label, and whether or not

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those are empowering or disempowering us.

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So I call the narcissist within us the

Witness Protection Program, WPP for short.

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And you will hear me talk about

the WPP in various episodes

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and why do I call it this?

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Because it's so much sexier and

it makes so much more sense to me.

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And it is not a label.

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It actually empowers you by really

understanding what it's all about.

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And many times with these labels, we're

just kind of going back and forth.

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Well, are they, or aren't they?

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Where they are or they

aren't is in our business.

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Our business is in how we respond, how we

interact, and what we allow in our lives.

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Because we waste so much

energy analyzing others.

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Trying to outlast or

outmaneuver or outsmart them.

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But the only way to break

the narce loop is to face our

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own shadows and let them die.

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I learned this the hard way.

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I learned this when my

late husband passed away.

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I saw the raw truth.

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I couldn't escape it.

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It was smacking me in my

face on how I had lived out.

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with love, how I was trapped behind my

own barb wire that I had wrapped around

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my own heart from the pain of my past.

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And the moment that I heard a doctor I'd

never met before say that we pronounced

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him dead, all of the lies that I was

telling myself that I did not know

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were actually lies Just slid off of me

like a silk robe, pulling at my feet.

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There was this sense of peace that

I felt in the duality of it all

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when it didn't make any logical

human sense at all at the time.

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But now I know where that

piece was coming from.

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And that's what one of my core messages is

for you is to be able to find that piece,

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even in the eye of the freaking storm.

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So when we look at narcissism, like

love, it exists on a continuum.

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There are covert narcissistic people

that manipulate gaslight and break others

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down to maintain control all the time.

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This is their character.

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This is who they have been.

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This is what we try to figure out in them.

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This is.

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who they have become.

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And then there are what I call

circumstantial narcissists where

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once they were loving, once they were

accountable, once they were connected,

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but after a deep loss, some sort of

midlife crisis, ego death, smack down,

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they disconnected from their true self.

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And they fall into the WPP, gripping it

as tightly as their first childhood wound.

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And they'll begin to act out

and make decisions from that age

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that they were first wounded.

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And sometimes, sometimes it goes back

to the womb and they are literally not

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making rational, conscious decisions.

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Even if they think they are, they're

making decisions out of their

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Decisions out of what I call their

pain brain, but a narcissist, whether

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covert or circumstantial, cannot

truly love their Children because

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they cannot truly love themselves.

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They hide behind masks.

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They prioritize their

facade over connection.

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They care more about themselves than

anyone else, including their Children

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and will even abandon their own Children

or they will run cold on their Children

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if they disagree with them or They, the

children no longer make them look good.

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I remember when I was little first

noticing this in church and you know,

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you had to look perfect, act perfect, be

perfect in order to pre present yourself

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and in order to make your mom or your dad

or the family, quote unquote, look good.

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And I always sat back.

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It was like,

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what the shit is this?

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Like, none of this is real.

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Why do we, why do we come on Sundays?

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And act like we're perfect and

then every other day of our

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life, it's a freaking shit show.

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And I knew from a very little

girl I was witnessing this,

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Parenting requires giving and sacrifice.

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And it's something that a, a

covert narcissist cannot do.

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And also someone who is in

circumstantial narcissists.

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Can't do either because a nurse doesn't

know how to love anyone because they don't

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know how to sacrifice and sacrificing

the giving of self to the family unit

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and Vulnerability is what has to happen

when you're a parent leader We can't

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make them love their children The

only way they can learn to love is by

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examining themselves And it's definitely

not something that you'll want to

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force, whether it is circumstantial

narcissism or covert narcissism.

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Neither one of them, those are

going to be completely resistant.

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to examining themselves completely

resistant to actually looking in at

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themselves because if they have to look

at themselves and they have to tell the

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truth and telling the truth means that

they are literally going to die or they

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think they are literally going to die.

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Now, I want you to understand

that when I'm talking about this,

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we all have this inside of us.

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So there is a tendency for all of us.

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to be a narce at any one time or another.

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So let's now call the narcissist the ego

instead to take the edge off a little bit.

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So I want you to understand

that there are higher aspects

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of ego and lower aspects of ego.

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The goal isn't to give up the ego.

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That's not the goal.

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We're never going to give up the ego.

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It's not even something that we

want to do, but what we want to

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do is live and relate to higher

aspects of ego, which is really just

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being conscious of what you use to

protect yourself and push love away.

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Breaking free from the witness

protection program requires an

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untangling of a deeply embedded survival

mechanism that has distorted your

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true nature and your divine essence.

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It constructs this false identity to keep

you safe from deep family and ancestral

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wounds that block you from true love.

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Block you from deeper intimacy

and actually block you from

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your own spiritual gifts.

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It's where power is not seen

as an internal life force.

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The energy, the vital force energy inside

of you, it's not seen as that, but rather

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a conditioned armor we built to navigate

a world where power has been defined.

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through force, fear,

manipulation and control.

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The WPP locks us into

victim consciousness.

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It keeps us fighting for our suffering

rather than claiming our sovereignty.

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I want you to imagine

for a moment, a child.

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you as a child, or if you have

children, bring one of your children

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into mind, into your energy.

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And I want you to imagine that this

child has seen or felt something

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that was way too painful to bear.

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Something that involved abandonment,

rejection, humiliation, maybe

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even the feeling of betrayal.

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And the WPP whispers, you're too pure.

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A new identity is formed in those

moments, not as the true self, but

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a protected version of the self.

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One that can navigate the world without

risking the pain of being fully seen.

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And this is why we hide.

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This is why we're afraid to be visible.

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This identity carries wounds of the

past, both in our own personal lives

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as well as ancestral and operates from

fear, from defense, from survival,

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rather than from this pure presence

of soul, the pure energy of creation.

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tapped into higher source.

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And this causes us to wear a disguise.

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It's a character that we play that

serves as armor to prevent us from

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experiencing these wounds of rejection,

humiliation, betrayal, and abandonment.

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And I have found that there are

five major disguises that people

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wear, and I see them all the time.

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And it doesn't mean that we only wear

one of these disguises at a time,

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because when you're actually going

through a really deep ego death, an

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awakening of sorts, you're going to be

recognizing all of these identities,

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all of these disguises that you wear.

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So the first one is the perfectionist.

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The perfectionist says, if I am

flawless, I will be accepted.

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Then we have the lone wolf.

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The lone wolf says, if I need

no one, I cannot be hurt.

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Then we have the overachiever.

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If I prove my worth, I

will not be rejected.

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Okay.

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Now we're going to get into the

menage a trois, the triangulation

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of victim consciousness.

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We have one of the characters that

usually plays called the People Pleaser.

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The People Pleaser says, If I meet

everyone's needs, I won't be abandoned.

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This is also when I refer

to it as the Savior.

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Sometimes I refer to it as the Martyr.

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And sometimes even to the

guys, Captain Save A Ho.

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Which I don't really like to say,

but it is what it is, you guys.

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Then we have what I call

sometimes the prostitute.

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There will be clients that are

prostituting themselves, or in

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other words, the beck and call girl.

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I call it the beck and call girl as well.

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All of these little mini archetypes

are part of the people pleaser.

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And next we have the victim.

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If I'm needy, I will get

their love and attention.

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And then we have the rebel.

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If I reject them first,

they cannot reject me.

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We also call the rebel, the

controller or the perpetrator.

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Now I do like to call myself

the rebel with a cause.

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I do love that my clients, most

of them, have a little bit of

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rebel in them, because we have to.

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We have to fight against these

systems, and when I say fight, I'm

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not actually talking about fighting.

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I'm just saying that we need to stand

in a certainty, in a sovereign stance

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of rebelling against these systems.

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Going the other way, that's a rebel.

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But here's the thing.,

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These archetypes, they're not wrong.

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It isn't bad to be any one of these.

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It's bad to stay there.

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It's bad to allow it to become

who we are and to get stuck there

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because this is survival and

you didn't come here to survive.

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Because survival is not actually living.

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Survival is not actually sovereignty.

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Survival is not actually free

will, which we have been given

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as humans in this lifetime.

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But people think that they have

free will because they're being the

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rebel, or they're being the people

pleaser, or whatever else, whatever

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other archetypes they're being.

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No.

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You only have free will When all of these

hidden patterns, all of these hidden

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archetypes become conscious and you

can actually make conscious decisions.

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Otherwise you're being led

by the wounding of your past.

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And many times you don't even know

that you're carrying it around

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because like I said, it's ancestral.

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It's been passed down to you generation

after generation after generation until

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someone is the freaking rebel with a

cause and says, not on my fucking watch.

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The WPP.

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locks us into victim consciousness.

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It keeps us fighting for our suffering

rather than claiming our own sovereignty.

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There is a primal survival mechanism

in us that was shaped not just by

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childhood experiences, remember,

but also by the collective trauma

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that's stored in our lineage.

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This is the study of epigenetics.

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It was designed for our protection

at the time, not our authenticity.

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Hear that again.

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It was designed for our

protection, not our authenticity.

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If you come from a family lineage that

hasn't either had the opportunity to fully

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express themselves, or they were literally

punished for fully expressing themselves,

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then they are not living in authenticity

and they are afraid of being exposed.

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They're afraid of their true core

essence coming out of the bag, coming

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out of the closet, being released.

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They're afraid of their own sovereignty.

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And I want you to think about something.

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When a child perceives rejection

or abandonment as life threatening,

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the psyche then builds this,

this like shield, a persona that

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ensures that belonging at any cost.

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to the family frequency that you came

from is going to be your saving grace.

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And this is why we get stuck right

where we are because we're afraid to

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outgrow the frequency of our family,

of our family unit that we grew up in.

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We cannot expand, we cannot stretch,

we cannot grow into the life that we

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truly came to live If we're still in

the frequency with which we were raised

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and quite honestly, the frequency, not

just with in which we were raised, but

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our ancestors dealt with things like,

like true war, the great depression.

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And we're repeating these

patterns and not even aware that

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we are repeating these patterns.

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And when I say that we will do things

at any cost, To continue to belong to

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that system instead of creating a new

system at a higher frequency, a new

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family unit at a higher frequency.

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Because see, what I teach is that

you, we go first, the leader of

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the family, the chosen one, the one

that is here to break the patterns.

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We have to go first.

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We have to lead the new movement.

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We have to cross the bridge first.

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In the new frequency, in the new energy,

so that the rest of our family can

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rise to, and our ancestors can be free.

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They are able to pass the baton over to

us and say, Here you go, I'm so proud

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of you, keep going, now I can rest.

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This is why everything that

I do is about a love legacy.

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The story that you're

writing is a love legacy.

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The key to healing all of this

is recognizing that we're not

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the false identity we created.

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The true self doesn't need protection.

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It needs integration and it

needs embodiment of our whole

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authentic and higher self.

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And when we acknowledge and love

that wounded child beneath the masks

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behind the curtains, like, like Oz,

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we reclaim our power and in turn our

sovereignty, and it's only there that

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we truly have free will to choose.

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And it's only there that we

can truly, deeply, profoundly

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love ourselves and others.

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Otherwise, we're choosing not from

free will, but from the conditioned

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self and indoctrinated program.

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This is not love.

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So how do we begin to

break free from the WPP?

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We become the witness instead.

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Witnessing the inner nurse in us, where

you're playing small, where you're playing

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in these roles, where you're preventing

yourself from having true sovereignty as

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an individual and who can then truly be

in union and harmony and love with others.

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It means beginning to see yourself

in the mirror of others and

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looking in to find where the lie

that I see in you is still in me.

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This is intimacy.

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This is an intimacy problem.

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The only reason the WPP stays alive, the

only reason That a narcissist stays a

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narcissist is because they lack intimacy.

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And in order to have intimacy, I'm

not talking about sex here, I'm

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talking about into me I see, into

you I see, into you I'm allowed to

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see, into me I allow you to see.

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That's true intimacy.

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And it all begins by seeing yourself

in that mirror of others, looking at

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them going, where is that still in me?

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I don't, I don't like that behavior.

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Where is that still in me?

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Not trying to analyze

them and figure them out.

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That is not our business.

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Our business is to go within, look

within not to go in and stay there, to

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look within and realize It's where you

have your heart on lockdown, where you

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have a barbed wire fence around your

heart and every little thing you're just

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squeezing the holy blood out of yourself.

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It's also about recognizing

where you truly belong and

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where you don't belong anymore.

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And I'm going to tell you because the

WPP is a sneaky little cuss if you

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are not moving to a higher standard of

living and it doesn't follow the law

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of increase, you may look like you're

making change, you may look like you're

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doing something, but really you're just

stacking shit on top of shit and expecting

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it to be something other than shit.

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There is absolutely nothing greater than

the feeling of peace that passes human

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understanding in a secure, harmonious,

And conscious relationship and family

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because at the end of the day, when it's

all said and done, love is all there is.

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: 00:24:14

This is the deep work we do in

relationship alchemy, the Academy,

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: 00:24:20

which you can find in the show

notes, but here's the absolute truth.

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: 00:24:25

This work in untangling from

the WPP and becoming a sovereign

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: 00:24:28

leader and lover is not easy.

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: 00:24:32

It's not easy to see on your own.

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: 00:24:37

Let alone do on your own.

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: 00:24:39

Remember, this was my sole purpose.

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: 00:24:44

And it took the death of my late

husband for me to learn this and

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: 00:24:48

I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

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: 00:24:52

If you're ready to turn your shit

into gold, or your gold into freakin

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: 00:24:56

platinum, Relationship Alchemy

The Academy is your next move.

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: 00:25:02

Hey, hey, I hope you enjoyed

today's transmission.

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: 00:25:04

If you found this valuable, we would

love to know by giving us your five

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: 00:25:07

star rating and review, and of course by

sharing the good word with your people.

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: 00:25:12

Hop into the show notes for

freebies, invitations, and

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: 00:25:15

ways we can work together.

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: 00:25:17

Until next time, much love.