Episode 29

Is it a Soulmate or a Woundmate?

Are you in a woundmate relationship? It can feel like soulmates. There's a LOT of fire and passion but it isn't meant to last. Tune in to find out why, how to know if you're in one, and what the purpose of a woundmate is actually about

You're not meant to go at it alone. It takes a tremendous amount of awareness and devotion to your healing to walk through a woundmate experience and when you don't have the support can be super traumatizing and quite painful for everyone involved.

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Your next level doesn’t happen by chance — it happens by embodiment. If you feel the pull, I’d love to walk this path with you.Make sure to like and subscribe so you never miss an episode.

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Transcript
Speaker:

Welcome to the Soul Liberated Life

Podcast, where you come to activate

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the remembrance of who you are,

unlock the gifts you're here to

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offer, and unleash the co creative

experience you're here to love through.

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I'm your host, Jodi, your soulmate

matchmaker, sharing deep wisdom and

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life intelligence through my life

and death experiences, and my gifts

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in liberating and expanding powerful

soul led leaders and their lineage.

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Every episode holds timeless

wisdom and potent messages to call

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your soul back home and into your

wildest dreams and deepest desires.

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So strap on your headphones, breathe

into your heart, expand your mind.

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Let's go.

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Hello, welcome back to

Soul Liberated Life.

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Today I'm going to talk to

you guys about wound mates.

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Episode 26 and episode 28 I talked

about the evolution of relationships,

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the evolution of marriage, and

I didn't talk about wound mates.

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And wound mates are a massive

piece of the puzzle because

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Not only are they

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a type of relationship, but

they're also like an archetype.

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They, Woundmates can come out at any

one time, especially if you go through

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a crisis, like what I talked about

in the evolution of relationships,

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when you go through a crisis that

is the purpose of the expansion.

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And you can go back into this

Woundmate Dynamics, if you're not

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aware of what is actually happening.

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So today I'm going to talk to you about

roommates and I'm going to break it

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down for you, what they look like, what

they are so that you don't have to play

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the game or when you are in the game,

I want you to understand, I'm going to

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teach you exactly what's happening so

that you understand the beauty of those

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relationships and you can walk through.

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relationships, but I wouldn't do it alone.

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It's not something that you want to

do alone because What actually goes

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on inside of a woundmate relationship

can be very, very traumatizing if

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you don't understand what's going on.

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So what is it?

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What actually is a woundmate?

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Well, first of all, woundmates

feel very soulmate like at first.

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There is a huge amount of sexual energy

that happens in woundmate relationships.

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It is a, it is like this draw that you

have to someone that is unexplainable.

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It's this, it's, it's almost like you are

being pulled to some, towards someone.

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It's electrifying.

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It's very powerful in that dynamic and

yet there's a whole lot of fuckery that

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goes on inside of the relationship.

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And so when we break it down, what

it actually is, is a karmic tie.

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And what I mean by that is that when you

are in this type of relationship, you're

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actually in this relationship as a, as

your karma needs to come up so that it

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can be revealed to you, your shadows, your

shames, all of these hidden aspects of

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you that need to be exposed so that you

can transmute that into your higher self.

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And so essentially what a wound

mate does is it shows us It's

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the dark side of ourselves.

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It shows us these hidden parts of

ourselves, the shadowy parts of

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ourselves that we don't want exposed.

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And if we understand what's going on

in a woundmate relationship, we can

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look at that woundmate counterpart

and go, I don't like that behavior.

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I don't like that behavior, but instead

of judging it, instead of trying to

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change them, instead of trying to

rearrange them, instead, the beauty in it.

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Is looking at them as a mirror to

ourselves and saying to ourselves,

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essentially, where is that still in me?

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Where is that still in me?

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Because that shit I don't like.

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And this is what you have to understand

when we are triggered by someone,

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when there is a trigger, it's

because there's something inside of

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ourselves that we have not yet seen.

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healed that we have not released

within ourselves, that we are

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still in judgment of within

ourselves, that we are still hiding.

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Within ourselves and every single

relationship is a mirror to ourselves.

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So if you're not triggered in

relationship, it's because the

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relationship isn't triggering.

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There's not any of the shadowy shit that

needs to be managed, that needs to be

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handled, that needs to be looked at.

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But as you.

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And I'm going to talk about even,

even in soulmate relationship or

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in wholemate relationship, as you

grow and evolve, you, you're human.

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You will have these points

along the journey where all of

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the sudden it feels stagnant.

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Where all of a sudden you feel like

you don't even like this person.

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I'm gonna tell you it's not that

person, it is most likely you.

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It is most likely that you have not

done the job that you need to do to

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release the resent that's inside of you.

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All of the emotional traps that

you have deep inside of you.

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And, I don't expect you to

necessarily know how to do that.

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I mean, that's the work that I do.

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There are so many ways that you can

come in to this work privately with me.

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I have a mastermind.

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I'm just launching this year.

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My mastermind is actually a miracle mind.

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I teach you my soultegic strategy,

which unlocks your Soul gifts and your

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soul strategy so that you can bring

your whole self to the table no matter

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where you are, from the bedroom to the

boardroom and everywhere in between.

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That is a phenomenal place to start.

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But if that is too much of a

stretch, I have a membership program.

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It's called the House.

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It has all of my master classes that

I've ever done all in one library,

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and if you pay in full, it's only

$44 a month if you pay in full, it's.

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$444, like a literal no brainer,

tens of thousands of dollars in

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bonuses for paying in full, and the

entire thing is worth over $10,000.

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So you're getting $20,000 worth of

content in a pay in full and $10,000 if.

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You pay by the month, which is only 44.

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I also do one off sessions that

are very, very mind blowing, soul

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shifting, human move me moving.

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They are amazing.

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I have that for you.

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It's all going to be in the show

notes, but I wanted to throw that in

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here because it's really important

that you understand that even though

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I'm teaching you what this is.

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Being aware of what it is is one

thing, knowing how to go into

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those shadows and actually release

that is a whole other experience.

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When I was in a wound mate relationship,

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I can tell you that it

does feel like soulmates.

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It's very intense.

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Like I said, there's a lot

of sexual energy going on.

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But there's literal fuckery.

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You never feel safe in your body.

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There's always something going on.

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And I'm going to tell you about the

threesome that happens and why we

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get into woundmate relationships.

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Here's the thing.

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The threesome is a triangulation.

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It is a menage a trois that you can't

see your way out of if you don't actually

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understand what your core wounds are.

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And your core wounds were developed

before you were seven years old.

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They are around abandonment, rejection,

humiliation, injustice, and betrayal.

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And what happens is you get into

these cycles that cause you to

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either attract someone who abandons,

rejects, betrays, all of the things,

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you, or you're the perpetrator.

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You're the one that does the thing.

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So, the threesome, the menage a trois, is

a triangulation of victim and perpetrator.

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perpetrator and savior.

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This is a victim consciousness cycle.

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You cannot have a healthy

relationship in a victim cycle.

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It can't be done.

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You can try to be the healer, you

can try to be the savior, but I'm

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going to tell you that if you are any

one of those characters, the victim,

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the perpetrator, or the savior,

you are in victim consciousness.

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Because a homemade

relationship is sovereign.

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Two whole people coming together.

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There is no savior.

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There is no perpetrator.

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There is no victim.

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So what are each of these?

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How, how do we know?

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What does it look like?

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When you have had a childhood where

your parents were making decisions

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that caused you to have to grow

up too early, that caused you to

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be in fear for your parents life.

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You accidentally take on the role

of the savior and then you repeat

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this in every single relationship

until you break the cycle.

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And if one of these roles does not work

with a partner that you choose, Then

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you shift around in the triangle to

a place that actually works for you.

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So I'll tell you about how that

might look in your relationship.

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So my first husband was a secure partner.

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I was not a secure partner.

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I was someone who needed to save people.

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And I also saw myself as a victim.

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And he was a perpetrator.

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And so this guy, my

husband could do no right.

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He literally could do no right.

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I had stacked resent upon

resent upon resent over and

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over and over again to him.

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I was constantly looking at him with

the eye of what is he doing wrong?

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Not what is he doing right?

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Which is how healthy, secure

partners look at people.

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Look at their partner.

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What, how are they right?

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How are they right?

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How, what are they doing

that actually turns me on?

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What we do when we go into this

triangulation, to this threesome,

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to this menage a trois, I like

saying all three of those.

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We pull out of our own sovereignty.

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We pull out of our own leadership.

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We pull out of our own soul guidance.

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And we move into what I call a pain brain.

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And that pain brain are these core

wounds that actually take over Our

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relationship and they take over ourselves

and now we're in this vicious cycle

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But when your husband doesn't play like

my husband wouldn't play My husband

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wouldn't allow me to be He wouldn't

allow himself to be pulled into My shit.

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Okay, he wouldn't allow me

to he didn't want to play.

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He's like Girl, that's on you.

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Go clean yourself up because I'm okay.

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I'm doing me.

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You're, you're fine.

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You're not a victim here

and I'm not the perpetrator.

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He just tell me because

he was a secure partner.

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I was not, I was an avoidant.

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I would flip back and forth.

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I don't, I don't go into the

avoidant, uh, attachment style so

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much, but I was a fearful avoidant,

meaning I was anxious sometimes.

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And then I was avoiding him.

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I was pushing him away.

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Other times I would literally

turn my back on him.

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The, the person that I was in

my first marriage, she died.

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She had to, the moment that the

doctor told me that he pronounced

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my husband dead, that woman died

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because the lies were fully exposed.

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There was no one else to blame.

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The victim perpetrator, savior

cycle is a blaming game.

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It's a hierarchy and the savior always

looks like they're doing good work.

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Okay.

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But they're carrying the cross like Jesus.

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Everything is all on them.

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They have to do everything around here.

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It's the martyr kind of energy, but yet

they want to save the damsel in distress.

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And I say that it is like the woman

who uses her sexual energy to attract

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and really to manipulate and hook

a man in with her voodoo panani.

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It's like, I have this

beautiful voodoo panani.

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Come, come, come, come.

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I got you.

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And now I got you where I want you.

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Now I'm going to eat you.

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It's that kind of energy or the

man who wants to save the damsel

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in distress with his voodoo sword.

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Yeah, you guys, like, this is the

energy that goes on behind your

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scenes when you're not watching.

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So, my husband was a cure.

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He wasn't playing in it.

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The moment the doctor told me, everything

that was a lie, everything that was a

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lie, this whole entire cycle was exposed.

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There is no victim.

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There is no perpetrator.

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There is no savior.

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There's sovereignty, and that is it.

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Responsibility, the ability to respond

in a direction that leads us to more

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life and a greater love experience.

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That's why we're here.

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But what this triangulation, this

menage a trois does is it pulls

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us out of our natural state of

being and puts us in the matrix.

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It puts us in 3D fuckery,

and it's so addictive.

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It's alluring.

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It will draw you in and swallow you whole.

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If you are not watching, you will

make the stupidest decisions.

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You can be the smartest freaking

woman in the freaking room.

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But if you are in Victim Perpetrator,

Savior cycle, you will make these

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stupidest decisions and then you

will compound those stupid decisions

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by blaming yourself and shaming

yourself for being so stupid.

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Why am I so stupid?

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Why am I, why do I keep

choosing the same kind of men?

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Because you're in the victim

perpetrator, savior cycle.

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So, Woundmates, if you know that

you are in a Woundmate relationship,

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it's not necessarily a time to go.

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It's not necessarily a time to break up.

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And here's why, why I'm saying that

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sometimes you haven't gotten the

lessons that you need to get.

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And I'm not saying lessons

in a punishing sort of way.

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I'm saying, um, in terms of you haven't

learned enough about yourself because

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anyone who's not in a relationship,

you're not actually going into the

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depths of Of how to relate to someone.

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You're not going into

the depths of intimacy.

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Can you build intimacy with yourself?

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Absolutely.

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And I expect you to build

intimacy with yourself first.

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It's what I teach.

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You have to have an inner union

before you can have an external

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union, union with someone else.

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If you haven't built that inner

union with yourself, you're

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going to be in the triangulation.

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You're going to have the menage a trois.

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And it's not going to feel good.

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So how do we pull out

of the menage a trois?

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First, you want to be able to ask

yourself and be really honest.

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Have I looked at myself in the

mirror of this other person?

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Because if you're doing it correctly,

then when they, when they have some

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sort of action or some sort of behavior,

then you reflect in yourself, where

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is that in me and when you find it.

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then you tell yourself the truth.

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So, for example, if they are

lying about something and you feel

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betrayed about something, that is

a time for you to self reflect.

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Where am I still lying?

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And it can be really, really sneaky,

because it could be something that

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you're totally not conscious of.

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It's not going to be something that

is literally in front of your face.

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It's going to be ha it's going

to be something that you have to

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dig into because it's a shadow.

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You got to go below the surface into the

subconscious and unconscious programming.

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Now it takes an individual who's

very self aware, who is someone

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who's ready to tell the truth.

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Who is not going to be somebody

who's here to hide things.

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They're going to be like, like

me, tell me, show me, expose it.

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You literally cannot offend me.

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Your words cannot hurt me because I

have done so much work that if your

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words come out and they penetrate

me, if I allow them to penetrate me,

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it's because there's still something

that I need to heal inside of me.

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But if I don't believe you

because I've already healed it

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and you project something onto me,

it's not going to penetrate me.

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You can't get in here because

I know who the fuck I am.

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I've done the dirty work.

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It doesn't mean that we're done.

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It means that I've done enough

work that if I am penetrated, like

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I said, if I am penetrated, that

is the work that I need to do.

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So you're going to bring to your

awareness, what role you're playing.

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Am I.

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The Savior.

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Am I trying to save him?

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Am I trying to save her?

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Am I the one that's carrying the weight?

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Am I the one who's trying to drag a

dead horse to water to make him drink?

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Or am I the one, am I the one

that is the victim energy?

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Thinking that you're just picked on or

they should do what you want them to do

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or they can read your mind, you expect

them to read your mind, and if they don't,

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you punish them by taking your love away.

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This is victim energy.

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What happens in these dynamics

is the savior could have had good

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intentions, meaning They really are

a beautiful healing type person.

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They really are somebody who holds gifts,

God given gifts of being able to lift

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people into the energy that truly is them.

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However, they're misusing it because they

choose people who don't want to change.

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They either don't want to change

or they don't have the capacity

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and you're trying to make someone

be who they don't want to be.

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And what happens is that the

savior who had, you know, semi good

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intentions at first, then turns

into the perpetrator because now we

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have this tug of war and the victim

perpetrator is a huge tug of war.

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It's like two toddlers who want one cookie

and they're fighting over the cookie.

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And they're saying, my

cookie, no, my cookie.

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Essentially what we're

seeing is I'm right.

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You're wrong.

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No, I'm right.

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You're wrong.

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It's literally two toddlers

fighting over a cookie.

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The perception that you

have is very limited.

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When you are operating from your

wounds, you're operating from

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a very limited intelligence.

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And when I say intelligence, I'm,

I'm not talking about knowledge.

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I'm talking about the infinite

intelligence, the field of infinite

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intelligence that surrounds us.

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When you pull back your energy and

you actually look at someone in your

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relationship as the mirror into you.

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Intimacy, into me I see, into you I

see, into you I allow myself to see the

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greatness in you, to see the God in you,

and if I have done the work over a period

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of time, eventually I'm going to find the

truth, either there's nothing else for me

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to release here, this karmic tie is done.

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Because that person doesn't want to change

that person doesn't want to come but guys

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this is not a soulmate it's not a soulmate

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now if you slice it a certain way

you could say it's a soulmate because

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it is helping you to come back

into soul alignment but it's not a

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soulmate a soulmate is a beautiful

beautiful partnership a soulmate is

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a a partnership that says Not, I need

you, or you're better without, or

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you're better with me than without me.

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There's no neediness there.

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There's no codependency there.

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A woundmate relationship thrives in

codependency, thrives in codependency.

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And soulmates, there's no codependency.

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It's power to power, partner to

partner, puzzle piece to puzzle piece.

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So don't confuse woundmates with

soulmates even though they're such.

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A large, expansive attraction

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that's not love.

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That's a chemical reaction turned

on by the wounds of your childhood.

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It is familiar.

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It's not love.

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It's not love.

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But like I said, it is a

beautiful, beautiful relationship

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if you know what you're doing.

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And the funny thing is, the crazy thing

is, is that every, I believe, and I

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have seen that everyone has some sort of

woundmate relationship in their lifetime.

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Because it really is the woundmate

relationship that exposes your

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shadows at the deepest, deepest level.

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And you can expand in such a high state

of awakening with that one relationship.

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But it's not meant to beat your

head against the wall over.

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It is not meant to stay in.

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It's meant to dip in,

clean out, and dip out.

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If you are in a roommate relationship,

if you have been in a roommate

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relationship and you have not created a

healthy, vibrant soulmate relationship

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in the whole history of ever, I

implore you to not go at this alone.

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Invest in what you can,

but don't go at this alone.

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You weren't meant to go at this alone.

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You are meant to heal and release this

from your body, from your subconscious

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mind, from your unconscious mind that

you're still carrying from generations

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before you and eliminate the chaos that's

still running rampant in your body.

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You can't do it alone.

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And the other thing to keep in mind is

the work that I do heals on all levels.

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levels, the mental, the physical,

the emotional, the spiritual and the

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energetic level.

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Hop into the show notes.

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Come join me in whatever capacity you can.

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And I will see you next

week on Soul Liberated Life.

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Much love.

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Hey, hey, I hope you enjoyed

today's transmission.

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If you found this valuable, we would

love to know by giving us your rating

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and review so we can reach the masses.

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And of course, by sharing the

good word with your people.

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Hop on into the show notes for

freebies, invitations, and ways

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we can work one on one together.

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Until next time, much love.

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About the Podcast

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The Unshakable Women Podcast
Real stories and raw wisdom for women who turn life’s hardest hits into unstoppable love and power.

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About your host

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Jodie Rodenbaugh

Jodie Rodenbaugh is a Soul Liberator & Soulmate Matchmaker here to guide powerful men, women, & couples and in turn their families & into their highest relationship purpose & greatest love story their souls have ever told in all the history of ever.

Your past doesn’t define you but there is deep wisdom & life defining treasures hidden back in your earliest years and many times before you were born that are effecting your success because there is no real success without relationship success.

Gone are the days of superficial love & surface relationships. You were born to for so much more! You were born to create & allow yourself to co-create literal magic beyond your own human understanding. Soulmate kind of love requires a deep awareness of self & an unwavering connection to the most high.

Every episode of Soul Liberated Life holds timeless wisdom and potent messages to call your soul back home and into your wildest dreams and deepest soul-fueled desires.